Feeling IF

It's happening; rearing it's ugly head, my infertility. I feel it in my throat; stuck like a shard of glass stabbing me. I feel it in my stomach; making me anxious and uneasy. I feel it in my heart; I think that's where it hurts the most. My acupuncturist told me at my last visit "you should start trying in January", I always knew that was the plan, but to actually hear it.... All of those hard feelings came rushing back. How do I find hope? Where is it? Let me know if you see it and send it my way, because I need some. What I have realized is that no matter when we start trying again these feelings will always be there. So, it's not like I can wait a few more months and all of a sudden I'll feel great and excited. I will never be excited about trying to have a baby. We have a plan and that makes me somewhat more at ease with the situation. We will try naturally with the help of my acupuncturist until the end of June and if we are not successful then I'll go back to the RE. Sigh. I have decided that I can't do this alone. I need help. Somebody to talk to that won't judge me when I say things that most people would think I was crazy for thinking, that will give me suggestions on how to cope with the ups and downs. I need some form of Catharsis. I found a therapist that specializes in infertility psychotherapy, and we have had one meeting. I think it will be a good fit and I'm looking forward to seeing her again this week.